Boundaries VS Ultimatums

Image ID: Amanda, a white woman with dark hair, is wearing an olive green headband, an olive top with a  rust colored leather jacket. She is sitting on a velvet green chair with high backing. Next to her is an end table with a vase and planter holding plants. On the wall behind her is a clock on a wooden paneled wall. 

Transcript: Now we are going to focus on relationships and will talk about boundaries in relationships. We will compare the differences between boundaries and ultimatums in relationships. Ultimatums are threats to make the other person make decisions based on your wants. Whereas boundaries mean allowing the other person know what your needs are whether it be a break or a coffee break, and allowing them to choose whether or not they want to respect that or not. They cannot cross your boundaries because it was your decision to establish that boundary in a healthy way. Boundaries offer the other person a choice while ultimatums attempt to control them. Sometimes we establish a boundary that forces the other person to do what you want by using threats.  That is an ultimatum. That is when we misuse boundaries to force or control the other person. Healthy boundaries are where you respect each other, communicate with each other and you are careful to know the differences. Now I will share some of the differences between boundaries and ultimatums. Boundaries are about choice. Ultimatums are about control. Boundaries invite change and dialogue.Ultimatums are rigid and are not open to discussion. Boundaries are grounding.Ultimatums are threatening. I hope this reframing on boundaries will benefit your relationships.